how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
