everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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