All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
