i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
