I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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