Everything about him screamed your future.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
