You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
