I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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