So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
