So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
