he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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