I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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