if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
