It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
