I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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