got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
