I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
