I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
