So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
