the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
