Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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