Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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