hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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