I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
