i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
