I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I have aggressive nipples.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
