Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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