if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize