No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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