Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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