My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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