i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
