I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
