uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
