Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
