You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
