I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
