Nicole vs. Life
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
