My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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