All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
