i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
