if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
