the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Randomize
