I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
