haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
