So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize