my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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