I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
it glows. i had to have it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
