Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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