I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
