So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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