I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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