the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
