im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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