Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
