Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
smell my finger.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
