Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
