So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
