I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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