Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
