I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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