so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My dick has a subreddit
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
