haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
