I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She told me I should be a condom model.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
