So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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