i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
