you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
