I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
