I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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