dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
