I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
