All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
