I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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