You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
