oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
